And finally, the video of the swim, Postscript and Crew Corner

POSTSCRIPT
“Blurt (verb). Burst out with, utter abruptly.”

I started doing a lot of it – “blurting” that is, when I finally took the plunge almost a year before my swim and chartered a pilot, his crew and his boat for a solo swimming attempt from England to France.

It’s fair to say I couldn’t help myself from “blurting” to all and sundry about my decision. The reason? Not only was there not a day that went by when I didn’t anxiously think about the Channel, but it was such a long way off and felt so surreal that it was only by spreading the word and raising the stakes that I felt I might force me to take myself seriously and begin to engage with the enormity of the task that lay ahead.

People’s reactions varied, well, not a lot; mad, insane, barking, doolally, out of your tiny mind, gone in the fetlocks, mid-life crisis – I was used to these types of observations BEFORE I ‘came out’ about the Channel, but you can imagine how ‘ripe’ the comments became once I started blurting?

And as the only times left to socialise when I wasn’t training had also to be spent eating, I can see how many who experienced my blurting between mouthfuls, might have been extremely sceptical about whether my claims to be ‘in training to swim the Channel’ should have been changed to training to enter the World Eating Championships.

Yet slowly but surely, as with anything that is repeated often enough, the “I’m going to attempt to swim the Channel” blurts began to assume a reality for me, accompanied by an ever-increasing burden as I left myself less and less opportunity for backing out. And bizarrely, as my attitude changed, so it seemed did the reaction of others.

So what about now? Has swimming the Channel changed me?

I’d love to say that the effects are that I have discovered the art of Zen and no longer need the trappings of my previous day-to-day lifestyle to sustain my body and soul. Sadly, I can’t; the truth is that I don’t feel that any measurable metamorphosis has taken place.

Bizarrely, with each re-telling of my account of the swim, it quickly became more distant and once again more surreal.

So, it's a relief to check with Wilber, Laurence, and Stuart, my wonderful crew, that I didn't imagine the whole thing and what better way to sign off than to pass over to them to have the last word...

CREW CORNER - How the Crew Saw The Journey


Laurence's Log
Ian’s Channel Swim Log Tuesday 3rd August

2:15am: After I sweep the video camera around and making sure that everyone’s ready, Eric the skipper says ‘Right we better wake up the neighbours’ and we’re off, leaving the harbour and en route to Ian’s take off point at Samphire Hoe.

2:30am(approx): After putting some suncream on I apply the grease to his neck and shoulders and he’s ready to hit the water. He switches on his lights, the one attached to his trunks is described by Will as a radioactive turd. He mutters something about having to escape the Zombies and then he’s over the side into the pitch black…..singing!!!!
‘’It’s a lovely, lovely day for a swim etc’’

2:48am: He’s on the beach , his hands up and he’s back in the water and away. The first stroke count is 56 spm, the water’s calm and I’m told that he’s the perfect distance from the boat.

3:24am: He’s won the first mile in 33 minutes. The sea temperature is 16º and air temperature is 15º. Looking back we can just make out the cliffs in the moonlight and Ian is still clocking 56 strokes per minute.

3:45am: The first feed- not ideal! My fault , there’s not enough maxim and then the horror as the jelly babies abandon ship from the feeding cup to a watery grave.

4:08am: He’s averaging 1.9mph and still at a constant 56 strokes per minute Ian looks settled already.
We’re getting the odd wave from the swell but generally it’s very flat and looks like it’s going to be a beautiful day.

4:45am: The second feed is considerably more successful than the first and he gets down two half cups of Maxim. He’s still at 56 strokes per minute but pulling through the water at 2mph.
The sun’s starting to rise and we can see how busy the channel really is not just with freight but we can also see several other channel swimmers support boats.

5:15am: His stroke rate is down to 54 but the speed is unchanged.

5:45am: The third feed goes well although his mini-roll gets wet.
‘’These poles are sh*t’’ (or was it rolls) – This gets a big laugh from the crew , he’s obviously in good shape.

6:15am(3.5 hour feed): He manages the Maxim and one slice of pear and peach. He says he can’t manage anymore sugar but we all agree that we should stick with the feeding plan that includes fruit sugar in the maxim – Freda knows best! However do reduce the amount to a level teaspoon.

6:20 We have just entered the South-West Shipping Lane.
I think it’s a big deal when Will points out that we can’t see the shore at Dover however Andy (the observer) points out that I’m looking the wrong way,
‘’Oh yeah – there it is!’’

6:45am(4 Hour Feed):Got the Maxim down but refusing the Jelly Babies you ungrateful bast*rd! You’ve really hurt their feelings. Great turn around though- 30 seconds for that feed.
The stroke rate is 54 a minute and he’s looking solid. 8.86 miles covered averaging 2.3 mph.

6:52am: Really starting to see some traffic now including a freighter named ‘’Claus’’- obviously a gay german!

7:15(4.5 hour feed) Another 30 second feed! But he shuns the banana cruelly hurling it to it’s doom. Currently on 52 strokes per minute.

7:20am: A P&O Ferry comes within spitting distance. The people on board wave but Ian rudely ignores them preferring instead to forge on, like some forger errrr….

7:30am: 10.1 miles covered in 4hours and 36 minutes. All he’s got to worry about at the moment is sunburn and all this food we’ve got to eat. The boat is clearly struggling under the weight of pasta I’ve brought on board.

7:45am(5th Hour feed): Flush through with ribena (no Maxim).He says no to a posh mini-roll – might be loosing his sanity. Have to keep an eye on his mental health.
Sill on 52 strokes per minute.

8:15 (5.5 hour feed):This feed takes 30 seconds, his stroke rate is up to 54 per minute and he’s average speed is 2.1mph.

8:45(6hour feed):This feed takes 45 seconds. 3 Jelly Babies in cup – ate one, left one , spat one out!
Sun’s back out after an overcast spell and his stroke rate is running at 53spm.12.5 miles covered so far – half way!!

8:50am: Big fat seal pops his head out…no , not the pop star. I dash for the video camera and it disappears- this happens several times.

9:15am(6.5 hour feed)It’s electrolyte time – too hot!! Asks for Peaches instead of Bananas who does he think he is? We can’t make many more deviations from the plan!

9:30am: We hit the separation zone.

9:45am(7 hour feed)average speed 2mph, he’s covered 13.77miles and the stroke rate is 55.Looking good!
Sun’s out and the feed took 30 seconds.
‘’How are you peeing’’ shouts Stuart
‘’Good enough’’ shouts Ian

9:55am: We get told by Eric that we are officially half way across about a third of a mile from the North East Shipping Lane.

10:15am(7.5 hour feed): This feed took 1min 10 sec. he’s straight back into his rhythm after the feed at 54 strokes per minute.
He asks if we are in the North East Shipping Lane and Eric tells me we’re about to hit it.
Morale on the boat is high bolstered by Ian’s impressive performance so far.

10:45am(8hours feed) This one takes 1min,15 secs – Eric tells Ian that we’re now in what swimmers refer to as ‘’poop alley’’ ‘cos of all the crap floating about. I’m stunned at the amount of Jellies, two of which Ian narrowly misses when he backs away from the feeding pole.

11:15am(8.5 hour feed): Ian takes on some hot water on the flush through – well he would of if he hadn’t spat it out when Stuart told him we’d been on the phone to Freda and she’d said ‘’ no slacking or you can kick his ar*e!’’.
The great debate about where the heck Holland is rages on.

11:25am: Stroke rate 55!!

11:40am(9 hours feed): 40 seconds for this one! Ian’s been swimming against the tide for the last ten minutes so we called him in early for a feed. Will had tried to design a sign on the whiteboard to tell him to swim parallel, but two parallel lines on a board could mean anything! Eric asks that he swims parallel to the boat along the tide, which he starts doing immediately. The water is a bit choppier – certainly the boats rocking more than it has been.
Current stroke rate is 54 per minute.

12pm – 17 miles covered , average speed 1.9mph ,stroke rate 55 per minute.

12:15(9.5 hour feed) Stroke rate is 56. It’s still choppy – sh*t sliding everywhere in the boat. France just doesn’t seem to be getting any closer.

12:45 (10hour feed):Not the best feed. Wore more of it than he drank! The electrolyte looks like liquid white dog poo (only available in the 70s) and tastes like sh*t as well – obviously this doesn’t help.

13:15(10.5 hour feed) – Good feed – got nearly all the maxim onboard. The water is still really choppy – boat all over the place.
Still his stroke rate is excellent at 53spm.

Passing a massive Maersk Container ship – HUGE!

13:45 (11hour feed) Good feed – now rough as f*ck!

14.10 We are told by Eric that Ian needs to get moving if he is to get through before the tide turns and avoid an extra few hours tagged onto the end of the swim. We make an executive decision and bring him in early and up the maxim to get him through the battering waves. It seems to work as his stroke rate goes up to 56spm without us mentioning anything.

14:45(12hour feed) Super strength maxim –double strength diluted with water , 1 teaspoon fruit sugar and an additional 1 teaspoon of powdered maxim.
He’s now hit inshore waters and is still looking good in very rough conditions.
Some French Bird is on the radio and Ian’s stroke rate is 55spm.

Ian says ‘’Is there any point in me carrying on sprinting’’

15:15 (12.5 hour feed) 2 x maxim extra strength to keep him going as it’s still proper rough, but he’s gaining ground , or water with every stroke – very impressive.
Stroke rate 54 spm.

15:45(13 hour feed) sorry no notes

16:15(13.5 hour feed):Extra Strength Maxim ( and I mean extra strength with added extra!) and peaches.
His stroke rate is 52. There’s loads of white horses and he looks determined to finish and we still believe he can do it!

16:45(14 hour feed): Choppy, chop,chop, chop, choppy, chop, chop, chop – stroke rate 52.

17;15(14.5 hours): Electrolytes feed. Ian asks Stuart to join him and of course Stuart’s elated he’s been waiting for this all day! The boat crew don’t get a chance to get the railing out of the way as Stuart dives in soaking me and Will!
Stroke rate is 56spm.

17:39(15hour feed) Ian’s stroke rate is 53. The Feed went badly and he didn’t take hardly any on board – probably not a bad thing as the feed is quite maxim heavy! We do consider feeding Stuart by tipping a 5 litre container of tuna pasta on his head, but decide that undue laughing could hamper Ian’s efforts. Eric telling him that he’s winning and things will get easier the nearer in-shore he gets have definitely improved things. The beach is insight!

And those are all the notes before we switched to the video camera and tried to film the last act. Eric stopped the boat half a mile out, not being able to risk being run aground. Gary took the dingy with outboard to accompany him in. We weren’t allowed to go in the dingy either, so we filmed long-distance from Pathfinder. Stuart was told to swim in to the beach with Ian as a safety measure because Gary couldn’t take the dingy in close enough due to the risk of being swamped in the surf.

He ran up the beach and then after picking up a stone and waving ran back into the water and swam back to Gary to be picked up and taken to Pathfinder for the return. Unbelievably he didn’t look in bad shape although L’Oreal will never use salt water as an eye treatment as he’s eyes did look very puffy, and after 3 hours of throwing up on the return journey in some of the worse conditions I’ve ever been out in he was well enough to go and have dinner with his family. Now that’s hardcore!

Well done Mate!

Stuart's Log

Sunday 1st August 2010
I’m rather excited today; I’m expecting a call from Ian, to confirm that I am required in Dover this evening to prep for Ian’s swim tomorrow.
Call came in at circa 3pm, to confirm we are NOT going tomorrow, not needed in Dover tonight, hopefully tomorrow evening though ready for Tuesday

Tuesday 2nd August 2010
Went to work today, but received a call from Ian, circa 12noon to say that we are on for tonight, and his big swim tomorrow, I need to be in Dover, but Ian said, ‘Not before 10pm, as he’ll be trying to sleep before then.
Finished work at circa 17.30 and headed home to shower & change. Left at circa 8pm and headed to Dover, I called at 22.15 to confirm I was 10 mins away and I spoke to Lawrence – seems like a nice guy!
I arrived at 22.25 and indeed Ian was still in bed, however as Ian himself confirmed he’ slept about 4 hours in 2 – 3 days,
I then helped Lawrence, with the notorious Maxim, mixing it up to double concentrate as per the detailed instructions headed ‘Freda Streeta’ otherwise known as ‘The General’
I asked Ian about the feeding pole, a ‘must have’ on any channel swim to which he replied ‘oh ******’ he’d been in Dover, or rather Varney Ridge for several days now, and had enquired about the feeding pole each day, and every day, had the reply – ‘oh yes – we’ll sort that tomorrow’ It was now circa 23.15 and Ian was due to set off for his swim in less than 4 hours and we had no feeding pole!
After several trips around the (Varney Ridge) camp site, two or three phone calls to the office, mobile and emergency number I saw sight and sound of... No-one!
We continued to mix Maxim, pack food boxes, drinks and other various equipment, during which I asked Ian and Lawrence who else was due to join us for the journey. ‘Wilbur’ was the reply which each time came with a follow up comment such as ‘if he ever gets here’ or ‘if he turns up’ or even ‘if Wilbur can find a coast line on this Island!’
The time got to 12midnight, and we decided that just one hour kip, would be advantageous, we worked out our plan, and packed the car, and headed for a 45mins of shut eye before needing to leave at 1.15am. – 12.15 - Lights out!!!
12.30 Lawrence comes out of his room – ‘Wilbur’s arrived!’ (So much for any kip) – and in walks Wilbur and Martin (Martin is a young lad that Wilbur’s mentoring) after a few pleasantries and a quick cup of coffee it was time to head off for the boat (leaving Martin at the caravan).
Ian, Lawrence, Wilbur and I headed down to the harbour in search of ‘pathfinder’ and its pilot – Eric. After a few to’s and fro’s we found Pathfinder, Eric, Eric’s assistant Gary Watkinson and the CSA official Andy Pope.
At 02.15 we left Dover harbour and headed for Shakespeare’s Beach, on the way Ian completed the Channel Swimmers ritual greasing up with a ‘Varney Ridge’ special concoction. We arrived at Shakespeare’s Beach and as Ian dropped over the side of the boat, he starting singing ‘Oh what a lovely day for a day-swim’ he stoked smoothly over to the beach climbed out and signalled he was ready. Andy checked his watch (02.48am) signalled back, and Ian waded into the water. A few hundred yards in and he was alongside us, looking good! We counted his stokes and he was breezing through the very calm moonlit waters at a steady 56 strokes per minute.
1st half mile in 20 mins. No wind, no waves, clear skies and the water as calm as a millpond and calmer than most swimming pools. Just after 03.15am Ian did his first mile, the water was 15degrees and the air temperature was 15.
On the hour, Ian had his first feed, 1.7 miles completed, he took the Maxim drink well and then snatched his jelly babies, losing 2 of the 3 in the process.
This really was a beautiful setting; there we were, still in the inner waters of the English coastline, but with an orange glow in the horizon and Ian’s pace carving a lovely V shape through the waters.
04.30am – Ian had dropped from 2.0 mph to 1.9mph and strokes were down to 54/55 per minute
04.45am Although no dawn break this was the first feed in what seemed like daylight, bright skies already as Ian took 2 x ½ cups of maxim and quarter of banana – immediately after he was back up to 2.0mph and up to 56 strokes per minute (spm)
05.22am the sun eclipsed the horizon – and within 3 minutes the full breadth of the sun was over the horizon – Ian must have been watching this too as his stroke rate was now down to 52 spm
05.45am 2 x ½ cups of Maxim and a Sainsbury’s chocolate Swiss roll, but no ordinary chocolate roll – no; Ian had gone cheap, and had bought Sainsbury’s Basics – They certainly looked it!!! Nonetheless, we stuck to the plan and fed him the chocolate delicacy - “F**K They Taste SH*T” was the comment from the disapproving customer!!!!
06.20 we entered the South West shipping lane – Oh my! Some of those tankers are big!!! According to skipper Eric - water and air temperature both up to 17 degrees.
06.45 – Feed – Ian took the Maxim well and totally ignored the Jelly Babies – ignored the food (and ignored Freda – “If I have any more sugar I’ll be sick” he said before pushed off again. Stroke rate 54 spm.
07.15 - We were now into our 30 min feeds, strokes pre-feed at 07.15 51 spm – Maxim and again Ian ignored the delicious ¼ banana, stroke rate after feed 54 spm – At this point with all three of us counting stroke and recording times, Lawrence turned and said “Oh my God we’ve turned into time and motion study observers – what an anorak! What has my life come to?”
07.45 Ian’s doing well, but the support crew flagging – this feed was down to Stuart and Lawrence – Feed went well apart from the complaint from Wilbur ‘to complete feeds more quietly and to ask Ian to keep his voice down, we’d disturbed Wilbur’s sleep and woken him from a vital cat-nap at the back of the boat!
I then got chatting to Lawrence and Wilburto discover that the three of them knew each other through a band they played in, in a North London Pub – The Fabulous Apple Lip Brothers – aptly named after a radio DJ once got the bands previous name miss-pronounced – a time when they were called ‘The Apocalypse Brothers’
Just before the 08.15 feed I found my true calling on the trip – I was given the honour of supporting Paddington, Paddington Bear’s photo-shoot.
08.15 Feed – we’re tempted to pull Ian from the water – we feel he might be suffering from hypothermia – he’s now refused a ‘proper’ deluxe chocolate Swiss roll’!!!
08.49 – just after the feed – Ian hits 12.5 miles - Could this be half way???? Who knows – all is going extremely well!
Just after 9am we spotted a seal in the water with Ian, he’s a big’un – probably as big as Ian and certainly heavier – for the next 3o minutes between the 2 feeds he popped up out of the water in several different positions around Ian and the boat – But Lawrence soon knew how to get rid – he reached for the video camera and said 'oh I gotta get this on film’ – needless to say that was the last we saw of the seal!!!
Ian had had his first ‘flush through’ feed – nothing but hot squash not Maxim or food, and next up was the electrolytes – “Tastes Crap” – some people are so hard to please!
09.10 We were just preparing Ian’s ¼ banana – when the increasing fussy customer shouts “Peach Slices” – not even a ‘please’ or ‘thank you’ Feed went well though – I risked asking him how he was feeling “Good Enough” came the answer. We then told Ian about the seal – he looked pleased, it seemed to give him just an ounce of lift.
09.30 – Entered the central separation lane, this ‘central reservation’ is one mile across and the next time we have ships passing us, they’ll be coming from the right – heading left along the North East shipping lane. – 09.36 54 spm
10.45 – We’re right in the middle of Jelly world now, everywhere we look we can see 3, 4 or 5 of the little bu**ers, dozens of them passing by every minute. During the fed Ian got stung – but he still seems in really good spirits.
Ian’s speed has dropped we made it up to an average of 2.1 mph over the last few hours, but that average dropped to 2.0 and now to 1.9mph (15.52 miles and 8hrs 6mins)
During the 11.15 feed I casually mentioned to Ian that I’d just got off the phone to Freda, I reported to him that Freda had insisted that he kept up his stroke rate and speed, and that if he didn’t, we had her permission to ‘kick his butt’ on that note Ian burst out laughing spraying his Maxim all across the channel!
11.45 During which we told Ian about his wasted energy in that he kept swimming so far from the boat, we requested he swims closer – having said which we really started to notice the chop picking up, wind was getting stronger and the waves were starting to from – Lovely clear waters though – NO jellies now, but masses of plankton.
By 12noon the Boat was really starting to roll from side to side, Ian had been swimming for 9 hours and 8 minutes and had covered 17.36 miles at an average of 1.9mph.
12.15 & 12.45 feeds all went well.
13.15 feed by Wilbur – lost most of the Maxim before it got to Ian and 2 of the peach slices fell out too!
13.25 – We are now well into the NE shipping lane and the biggest tanker you’ve ever seen in your life called ‘MEARSKUE’ just missed Ian’s head by..... Well half a mile looks quite close when the tanker is that big!
Been chatting to Wilbur, we’ve come up with a plan, when we’re getting to within about 400 meters of France were going to jump in swim past Ian, singing com’on slow coach! – Faster! – Faster! And then as we get to the shore before him we shout - I won! – I won!
13.45, - 15.45 feeds all went well
As we got to the 16.15 feed we spoke to Eric and he confirmed what we thought we could see, that the tide turning, we were making good progress towards Cap Gris Nez – but with the tide turning Ian was not going to make the Cap – the tide would soon be pulling us towards Calais. We could also tell that Ian’s speed and stroke rate were dropping... The support crew took an executive decision (supported by a phone call to Freda) we would start to double up on the Maxim!
16.45 – 17.45 Feeds again went well despite the wind, waves and waters really picking up – we lost a tin of peaches as well as many items of personal belongings being tossed back and forth across both sides of the boat, some of the waves were up to 1.5 to 2 meters – we were losing sight of Ian, albeit for a second or two as waves concealed our view.
18.15 Ian invited me to join him in the water, he must have been able to see France for more than 2 – 3 hours, and whilst he was making good progress, the feeling of progress, partly due to the tide and the waves, was less clear. It must have taken me all of 2 minutes to get changed and ready to dive over the side to be with him, I’d been willing him all day to invite me in.
I swam with Ian for a while thoroughly enjoying myself, An hour of being tossed up and down was exhilarating, but I did feel for Ian, having these waves so big for so long, and after so many hours of swimming. I desperately wanted to swim just in front of Ian and to give him any minute advantage that I could, a bit of slip-stream, a fraction of protection from the chop even to be his pace maker for a while – but I was not allowed, the conditions of the swim meant I was to swim just behind him. I tried to make sure I was in sight each time he breathed, I tried to replicate the smile he and I had sometimes shared with each other swimming across the harbour at Dover, to give him any encouragement and reassurance I could.
I looked up at one point and noticed Andy the CSA official attracting my attention – I was really disappointed, I knew he was going to ask me to get out...
I was wrong, we were so close to the shore Andy and Eric were informing us that the boat couldn’t go any further and this was the point that Ian and I could swim to the shore, Andy reminded me not to assist Ian until he’d cleared the water completely.
We swam strong, starter to ride the waves to the shore, about 50 yards out, Ian stood up, you could see the relief and pride all over his face, and then in a split second the emotions, I am sure coupled with a tad of exhaustion) his face said it all – LAND! I’m here! I’ve made it! I wanted to give him a huge hug to congratulate him, and then recalled Andy’s advice, “com’on Ian make it out of the water completely clear!” I dropped back into the water and swam long and strong, in water knee deep, he stood up again and raced up on to the beach, clear of all water he punched the air with both arms like a real winner! I was so, so pleased for him and so proud of him, we hugged for a second of two, but he felt cold and looked tired, we signalled to the boat and waded back into the water (not before Ian grabbed a pebble) – a pebble I just knew was going to get pride of place in his home, will be the subject of stories in years to come and will probably evoke many emotions too every time it catches Ian’s eye.
He did it; my training buddy I met in May this year had successfully completed his cross channel swim on Tuesday 3rd August 2010 in a time of 15 hours and 47 minutes. Wow what a day what a brilliant experience – Ian, I am so proud – CONGRATULATIONS!